This is a really good book that essentially says we should find values in our lives that we see as more important than our own suffering. Such that we would willingly be uncomfortable in the name of something more important. Because happiness comes through suffering for the right causes, and coming out the other side stronger.
Manson then outlines some ideas on what these values might look like. However, it’s obviously a very personal process so Manson does well not to put too much emphasis on what you should think.
Finally, he has an entire website of articles too. This book is actually made up of a lot of the articles he had written over the years, but there’s a lot more great content on there that relates to this book and his others. So I’d recommend anything on his site too.
Don’t Try*
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The pursuit of positive emotions leads to negative emotions and acceptance of negative emotions leads to positive emotions
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Seeking things highlights the lack of it
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No happy person is ever trying to be happy
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Negative emotions are natural, not bad (they should not be avoided)
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So stop trying to be happy and just accept what is
*Fun fact – “Don’t try” is all thats written on Charles Bukowski’s tombstone
Happiness is a Problem
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Your life will always have problems, that is a constant
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On Happiness comes from solving problems
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You have to enjoy the pain of solving these problems
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“What pain do you want to sustain?”
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Love the process
You are not Special
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1960s self esteem movement –> Entitled people
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Entitled = Feel good about your positive traits (and shouldnt work for them)
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Self worth = Feel good about your negative traits
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Entitlement
- I’m awesome, I deserve special treatment
- I suck, I deserve special treatment
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Your problems are not unique
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Many people have had and will have the same problems (accept this and become more accepting of the problem)
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Social media –> Everything seems extraordinary –> We must delete this concept by accepting that a lot of our lives will be mundane and uninteresting (and thats OK) –> We will begin to appreciate the simple pleasures
The Value of Suffering
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Our values determine our problems, as well as our definitions of success and failure
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Therefore values determine the cause of our suffering
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I feel something –> why do I feel this way –> why does that make me feel this way –> … –> What are my values
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“Why does that seem true?”
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Good values
- Reality based
- Socially constructive
- Immediate and controllable
Responsibility
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You are responsible != It is your fault
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Fault = past tense
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Responsible = Present tense
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Taking responsibility is empowering, while taking fault merely starts a blame game regarding things that have already happened
Uncertainty
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Doubt drives growth
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Certainty = comfort
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Challenge your own beleifs
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Insecurity is bred out of a need for certainty
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Most of the time you just need to be content that you dont know (especially about yourself)
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Be Antifragile
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Dont be special
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Define yourself in general terms (Artist, student, trader, …)
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Failure
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Failure –> Learning –> Success
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Pain is good – Part of the process
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Just do something
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Fear of failure makes us do nothing
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Inspiration –> Motivation –> Action –> Inspiration –> Motivation –> Action –> ..
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The only part of this cycle that we directly control is action. So if we want to kick it off, that’s the only place we can do it
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Rejection
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Receiving it and giving it
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If you reject nothing you are valueless/directionless
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To value X, we must reject not(X)
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Good relationships involve rejection
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Reject taking responsibility for others values/feelings
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Dont fear the small fights
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Conflict is a good test of love
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Consumerism –> Have more
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Rejection –> Have less
Mortality
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You are going to die anyway, why be afraid of anything you do beforehand?
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You fear death when you are unhappy with your life experiences